Grieving

I have been to funerals. I have known and lost loved ones. People I have known for years. But grieving the loss of your unborn child definitely the heaviest loss felt by the heart.

Finding out my unborn baby had not survived was awful. I have begun the grief process.

Shock & Denial - I was shocked that this could happen to me. I knew I could carry a baby. This couldn't possibly be. There must be a mistake. I hadn't seen her miscarry yet. She lingered in my belly. It just isn't possible.
Pain & Guilt - I would never hold the baby in my belly, never see her grow. What did I do to deserve this? Did I do something wrong? Did I not rest enough? Did I lift something too heavy? Was I too stressed? I should have prayed more, I should have gone to church more.
Anger & Bargaining - I was mad at God for taking my baby. A baby that we wanted so much. We are good people. We would give anything to have our baby back. Dear God, please bring our baby back.
Depression - I stayed away from friends and family. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and cry. Leave me alone. I can't function.

I am now starting to work through my sadness, and grief. I am trying to pick myself up, but I will never forget the loss I have experienced, nor the baby I will never hold.

I am looking forward. Heart-broken and stronger.