Some days...

There is a commercial that I've seen on tv recently, I can't remember the product, but the woman says..."When my children were babies, they were so sweet, I could have eaten them up. Some days, I wish I had!!" I laugh every time I hear this.

Today was one of those days. T has been so difficult recently, and I don't know why. He has been sassing me, back talking, ignoring me, walking away from me...basically a teenager, except that he is 9. WTH?!?!

During Robotics, his robot wasn't working EVERY time. It worked many times though. But each time he ran it, he would stand up and say "I quit" or "I give up". He was just being negative. He started talking back to me, and I had to take him outside and I spanked his butt!! What made him think that was ok?? Really?? He stood outside, nose to the wall, and cried until we were done. Once we got into the car, we talked about being respectful, and not being rude. We talked about not talking back, and fulfilling his obligations to the team. He cried all the way home.

I don't understand why he feels the need to push my buttons. I asked him, and he doesn't have an answer. I asked him if he thinks it makes me feel good to punish and yell at him, and he said yes. Doesn't he understand how much it bothers me to punish him? UGH!!!!

Makes me wonder sometimes if I am doing a good job. But I keep telling myself that I am doing my absolute best!!

Thank God I love him so much!! <3

Just thinking...

I watched a movie today, a documentary called Babies. It was about 4 babies from different parts of the world (America, Malaysia, Indonesia, Africa). Their lives from birth throught heir first year. It was cute.
But of course it made me miss my baby more. Today I would be 37w4d. Hard to believe that at this point, I would be wishing for time to hurry. I would be so close to my sweet HOPE. Its funny, because sometimes I sit here and think about what life would belike if she were truly coming. How would my life be different? What would I be doing? I know there is no use wondering, but I do.
I look forward to experiencing life as a new mom again. I look forward to giving my husband the ultimate joy of life. Hopefully in the Spring. Crossing my fingers.

I know how blessed I am to have a wonderful husband, and a great son. I cherish that every day of my life!! Thank you God!

Wave of Light

October 15th, WORLDWIDE, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - Miscarriage, Stillbirth, SIDS

On this day a Wave of Light has shone upon the Earth in rememberance of all the angels sharing their wings with God. All around the world, candles were lit at 7pm to remember our loved ones, causing a continuous wave of light.
I chose to light three candles. One for the loss of my angel (whom I have been calling HOPE), one for my friends/curlys who have lost their angels, and one for the love and peace that guides them home.
Today I would be 36w1d. I would be so close to holding my sweet HOPE. Instead I celebrate the love of an angel who stands with me, and guides me.

I continue to feel the sadness in my heart. I want to hold my baby. I cannot let go of the memory I was blessed with. I cannot let go of my sorrow. It has become a part of who I am.

I have dealt with the loss of my baby. But as the due date draws near, I feel the pain all over again. Like it is happening all over again. I hurts to think that I will never be able to see my angel. I will treasure the date forever ~November 11, 2010

‎"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt