What an amazing moment in my life...
I am so excited to have made it to this point! My pregnancy has been good so far. I am extremely tired, sometimes nauseous, and from time to time achey. I am happy. Every moment of discomfort is worth my sweet pea!! I am 10 1/2 weeks, in a week and a half I will officially be in my second trimester. I know I will feel like a weight has been lifted.
A few people have questioned others about me. But no one has asked me directly if I'm pregnant. I am not hiding it, but I am not putting it out there either. I am waiting for my second trimester. Soon!!!! A girl I'm close to told me on Friday that I'm not going to be able to hide my belly much longer. Isn't that funny!! I love it!
Of course nothing is perfect. I am 100% nervous. Scared to death that something will still go wrong. Am I perfectly normal, overly cautious, or just a nut?? I have officially been released to an OB, and I am scared. Because I won't have that constant source of confirmation for my feelings. I have been considering buying a fetal doppler. Just so I can hear my sweet pea when I need that confirmation. Maybe this makes me crazy, or neurotic, I'm not sure. I think it makes me nervous and normal. The sound of that sweet little heart beating brings me such pleasure and peace.
I wasn't feeling this crazed until last night. Of course I've had my nervous moments, but until last night, it wasn't constant. I had dinner with friends, and broke the news to my girlfriend who lost her baby last month at 32 weeks. I wasn't sure how she would handle it, but she seemed fine. She was so happy, and excited. But later in the evening after many drinks (none for me), she kept on with how everything was her fault, and how everything can go wrong. I know her emotions weren't aimed for me, because she was so excited. But everything she said kept making me think of how my baby could just die. Everything single thing I do, I keep in mind how it could affect the baby. I am cautious!!
I feel great today. I love life. I love my son. I love my husband. I love my baby. God please watch over all!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
8w4d
So, I gave up the infertility forum. I had to. I was getting too worked up and stressed about a bunch of things that may or may not happen. I was reading everything, and then focusing that feeling or thought on me and my baby. Plus reading about all the sad things that happen, made me sad.
I am now on my own. I share with my closest friends. I get the support I need from my closest friends. I get all the love and advice I need. I still get worried, and scared. But I'm not reading as much into things. I am trying to enjoy all of the (great and not-so-great) pregnancy moments I can.
I have recently been feeling so many crazy things. It is like riding the pregnancy roller coaster. I mean, how can a person feel so sick one day, so tired that I can't focus (and want to cry about it) the next, and then perfectly normal the following day?? Is that even possible?? I thought if you had symptoms, that they were there to stay. I didn't know it was a daily grab bag of symptoms. And most recently the heartburn has started. I am perfectly content with all of these things. It means my baby is growing. And I am so happy.
Last week, was my first run in with morning sickness. I was dropping T off at school, and while I was in the office signing in, my world started spinning. I wasn't 100% positive that I was going to throw up, but started heading towards the bathroom, just in case. I was moving people out of my way to get there. The ladies in the office were asking the other mom I was with...Is she ok? Whats wrong? Whats happening?? The other mom, Tx, knows that I am pregnant. She just laughed and said "Nothing". For the next hour, Tx and I were meeting, and I kept getting up to throw up. And every time I did, she laughed. Which of course made me laugh. It was pretty funny because I didn't experience this with T. Since then, I have had moments of almost throwing up. But nothing.
Tonight, I got home from my meeting, and noticed a tiny bit of pink on the paper after I went to the bathroom. Immediately I got nervous. I am going to call my RE tomorrow morning just to make sure everything is ok. My 2nd u/s is on Thursday, only 3 days away. I don't know if I feel comfortable waiting. I think I need to come in sooner. The pink could be from the suppository irritating my cervix, or it could be just a touch of NOTHING!! Whatever, I will feel better if I call.
~Please God keep my baby safe.
I am now on my own. I share with my closest friends. I get the support I need from my closest friends. I get all the love and advice I need. I still get worried, and scared. But I'm not reading as much into things. I am trying to enjoy all of the (great and not-so-great) pregnancy moments I can.
I have recently been feeling so many crazy things. It is like riding the pregnancy roller coaster. I mean, how can a person feel so sick one day, so tired that I can't focus (and want to cry about it) the next, and then perfectly normal the following day?? Is that even possible?? I thought if you had symptoms, that they were there to stay. I didn't know it was a daily grab bag of symptoms. And most recently the heartburn has started. I am perfectly content with all of these things. It means my baby is growing. And I am so happy.
Last week, was my first run in with morning sickness. I was dropping T off at school, and while I was in the office signing in, my world started spinning. I wasn't 100% positive that I was going to throw up, but started heading towards the bathroom, just in case. I was moving people out of my way to get there. The ladies in the office were asking the other mom I was with...Is she ok? Whats wrong? Whats happening?? The other mom, Tx, knows that I am pregnant. She just laughed and said "Nothing". For the next hour, Tx and I were meeting, and I kept getting up to throw up. And every time I did, she laughed. Which of course made me laugh. It was pretty funny because I didn't experience this with T. Since then, I have had moments of almost throwing up. But nothing.
Tonight, I got home from my meeting, and noticed a tiny bit of pink on the paper after I went to the bathroom. Immediately I got nervous. I am going to call my RE tomorrow morning just to make sure everything is ok. My 2nd u/s is on Thursday, only 3 days away. I don't know if I feel comfortable waiting. I think I need to come in sooner. The pink could be from the suppository irritating my cervix, or it could be just a touch of NOTHING!! Whatever, I will feel better if I call.
~Please God keep my baby safe.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Ultrasound
What a crazy day!!
I had my u/s today, I was so scared this morning. I cried all the way to the RE's office. When I got there I went to the bathroom, composed myself, and waited my turn. When they called my name, I walked down the hall, and the REs were waiting for me. They said good morning and that I looked nervous, and I started crying all over again. I got on the table, and continued crying. RE gave me a hug, and worked to calm me (boy did he earn his money today). I had a vaginal ultrasound, and no sooner did he insert the magic wand, baby jumped out to have his/her picture taken. ha ha ha I was so happy. And then when he turned the sound on, I cried again. I must have cried until lunchtime!!! I was so happy!! RE gave me pictures and a DVD of the baby. Going to send the file to my DH!!
I emailed my DH, and told him about the baby, and that I got to hear its heart beating. When I got to work, (everyone knew about the IVF and positive test), I walked in asking..."who wants to see my baby"!! Everyone was so excited. I am scheduled for my next ultrasound on the 16th. If everything continues looking good, I will then be referred to the OB!! SCAREY!! After 7 years, its finally happened!!!
Now, when should I tell T? I know he is going to be excited. Do I tell him now? Do I wait 2 more weeks until I see the baby again?? Do I wait until I am past the first trimester?? I don't know. But, I am going to call my mom tonight and tell her that I am ! She is going to freak!!!!!!! LOL
I am so happy to finally have the first ultrasound over with. I was so scared and nervous!! But the baby seems to be doing good. Measuring 6w5d, and a heartrate of 128. I feel so relieved!!
~God is great~
I had my u/s today, I was so scared this morning. I cried all the way to the RE's office. When I got there I went to the bathroom, composed myself, and waited my turn. When they called my name, I walked down the hall, and the REs were waiting for me. They said good morning and that I looked nervous, and I started crying all over again. I got on the table, and continued crying. RE gave me a hug, and worked to calm me (boy did he earn his money today). I had a vaginal ultrasound, and no sooner did he insert the magic wand, baby jumped out to have his/her picture taken. ha ha ha I was so happy. And then when he turned the sound on, I cried again. I must have cried until lunchtime!!! I was so happy!! RE gave me pictures and a DVD of the baby. Going to send the file to my DH!!
I emailed my DH, and told him about the baby, and that I got to hear its heart beating. When I got to work, (everyone knew about the IVF and positive test), I walked in asking..."who wants to see my baby"!! Everyone was so excited. I am scheduled for my next ultrasound on the 16th. If everything continues looking good, I will then be referred to the OB!! SCAREY!! After 7 years, its finally happened!!!
Now, when should I tell T? I know he is going to be excited. Do I tell him now? Do I wait 2 more weeks until I see the baby again?? Do I wait until I am past the first trimester?? I don't know. But, I am going to call my mom tonight and tell her that I am ! She is going to freak!!!!!!! LOL
I am so happy to finally have the first ultrasound over with. I was so scared and nervous!! But the baby seems to be doing good. Measuring 6w5d, and a heartrate of 128. I feel so relieved!!
~God is great~
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
7w0d
I am an emotional basket case...You can probably call me Sybil.
I am feeling every emotion available to man right now...
So, today I am 7w0d. So far I have been feeling pretty good. Tired is the most pronounced symptom of this pregnancy. Most of the other symptoms come and go, but nothing major. I have been taking care of myself. Doing my accupuncture still, and trying to be positive. I am good.
But...In exactly 15 1/2 hours, I will be sitting on the RE's table. While he is warming up his machines, preparing to look for a tiny heartbeat!!
I am so nervous, I keep asking what if...What if there is no heartbeat...what if there is no viable pregnancy...what if this has all been a figment of my imagination, and there is no baby? I am scared, and terrified. Worried. Nervous. I already know I will be crying when I get there. Thats how nervous I am.
But I am also excited to see that sweet little heart beating. The thought of that is so exciting, and joyous to me. And I pray that God gives me the opportunity to be so blessed.
I have been putting up my walls. I have put on my strong face that everyone is so proud of. But inside I am crumbling. I am weak and vulnerable. And with Rob gone, I don't have my rock, my strength. He knows how to calm me. I miss him and wish he could come with me. Hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be ok. Kiss me and see our baby for the first time. And then laugh and tell me how silly I am to be this worried!!!!
I know that everything happens for a reason. And I know that God will get me through.
~This life you have given us is so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable,
safe in the womb of flesh and hope, yet subject to danger and death.
O God of love, creator of life,hear our prayer.
We want this baby so much.
Please grant this child of ours a full term of nurture,
the joy and mystery of life,
and the blessing of your love.
Grant us the fulfillment of our dreams,
a baby to cherish and protect,
a child to teach and guide,
a blessing to our family.
Amen. ~
I am feeling every emotion available to man right now...
So, today I am 7w0d. So far I have been feeling pretty good. Tired is the most pronounced symptom of this pregnancy. Most of the other symptoms come and go, but nothing major. I have been taking care of myself. Doing my accupuncture still, and trying to be positive. I am good.
But...In exactly 15 1/2 hours, I will be sitting on the RE's table. While he is warming up his machines, preparing to look for a tiny heartbeat!!
I am so nervous, I keep asking what if...What if there is no heartbeat...what if there is no viable pregnancy...what if this has all been a figment of my imagination, and there is no baby? I am scared, and terrified. Worried. Nervous. I already know I will be crying when I get there. Thats how nervous I am.
But I am also excited to see that sweet little heart beating. The thought of that is so exciting, and joyous to me. And I pray that God gives me the opportunity to be so blessed.
I have been putting up my walls. I have put on my strong face that everyone is so proud of. But inside I am crumbling. I am weak and vulnerable. And with Rob gone, I don't have my rock, my strength. He knows how to calm me. I miss him and wish he could come with me. Hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be ok. Kiss me and see our baby for the first time. And then laugh and tell me how silly I am to be this worried!!!!
I know that everything happens for a reason. And I know that God will get me through.
~This life you have given us is so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable,
safe in the womb of flesh and hope, yet subject to danger and death.
O God of love, creator of life,hear our prayer.
We want this baby so much.
Please grant this child of ours a full term of nurture,
the joy and mystery of life,
and the blessing of your love.
Grant us the fulfillment of our dreams,
a baby to cherish and protect,
a child to teach and guide,
a blessing to our family.
Amen. ~
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