There are times when I feel as though I am at a standstill. Everyone around me is moving on, I am stuck. I am constantly looking for the positives in my life, trying not to see those sad moments. Trying not to feel sorry for myself. But I am sad. I am sorry. I am stuck.
My SIL is due to have her baby any time. Her 5th child. Yes, I said it #5!! I love all my nieces, but I am sad. Had I not miscarried, I would be 26 weeks today! I would be enjoying my pregnancy, along with the arrival of my newest niece. Instead, I am sad. I am not looking forward to the phone call that she has arrived. Or of holding her in my arms for the first time. Broken hearted.
I will always be sad. Don't get me wrong, I am moving forward, but my heart will never forget the pain I endured in losing the baby I only held in my belly for a short time.
Though I know I sound so down, I am however healing. I am ready to move on. I am ready to try again. I have a little more money to save, but I am ready. My DH left me his goodies, lets get this show on the road. I know another pregnancy will not replace the one I lost, but I must move on. I am ready.
Now I just need more money! Still haven't been able to find a job. I've gone on a lot of interviews, even some second interviews. I walk away from the interviews feeling good. But I still seem to be jobless. HMMM.!! Really hard to find work.
What is Gods plan for me?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
What's next...
So, Rob is in Kuwait. I hope he doesn't melt! The weather is 123 degrees during th day!!!! YIKES!! I just know I would be cranky!
I talked to him yesterday, and miss him so much! Being an Army wife is so hard sometimes. But, I knew what I was signing up for right? Doesn't matter, still hurts.
I've been keeping myself busy with school, but school will be out in a week. What then?
I am going to get back to focusing on me. I started walking again. Walked two miles this morning. Boy was I tired. But I want to get myself healthy again. I want to get my body ready to start the IVF process again. I am finally ready to begin again. I'm still scared, but ready to move forward. I'd like to begin in September. Ideally I'd like to lose 10-15 pounds. I'm going to start eating better. Want to make sure there is a good room for rent. ;)
So for now, to keep myself honest, I will keep tabs on myself here. In public view. Hee hee
Looking forward to the new me. The better me. :)
I talked to him yesterday, and miss him so much! Being an Army wife is so hard sometimes. But, I knew what I was signing up for right? Doesn't matter, still hurts.
I've been keeping myself busy with school, but school will be out in a week. What then?
I am going to get back to focusing on me. I started walking again. Walked two miles this morning. Boy was I tired. But I want to get myself healthy again. I want to get my body ready to start the IVF process again. I am finally ready to begin again. I'm still scared, but ready to move forward. I'd like to begin in September. Ideally I'd like to lose 10-15 pounds. I'm going to start eating better. Want to make sure there is a good room for rent. ;)
So for now, to keep myself honest, I will keep tabs on myself here. In public view. Hee hee
Looking forward to the new me. The better me. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
