Moving forward...

There are times when I feel as though I am at a standstill. Everyone around me is moving on, I am stuck. I am constantly looking for the positives in my life, trying not to see those sad moments. Trying not to feel sorry for myself. But I am sad. I am sorry. I am stuck.

My SIL is due to have her baby any time. Her 5th child. Yes, I said it #5!! I love all my nieces, but I am sad. Had I not miscarried, I would be 26 weeks today! I would be enjoying my pregnancy, along with the arrival of my newest niece. Instead, I am sad. I am not looking forward to the phone call that she has arrived. Or of holding her in my arms for the first time. Broken hearted.

I will always be sad. Don't get me wrong, I am moving forward, but my heart will never forget the pain I endured in losing the baby I only held in my belly for a short time.

Though I know I sound so down, I am however healing. I am ready to move on. I am ready to try again. I have a little more money to save, but I am ready. My DH left me his goodies, lets get this show on the road. I know another pregnancy will not replace the one I lost, but I must move on. I am ready.

Now I just need more money! Still haven't been able to find a job. I've gone on a lot of interviews, even some second interviews. I walk away from the interviews feeling good. But I still seem to be jobless. HMMM.!! Really hard to find work.

What is Gods plan for me?