Positive Outlook

Today I had an appointment with my RE to discuss what happened. I knew he wasn't going to be able to give me any exact answers, but I was hoping for something that would either give me closure to heal, or something positive. (It was so hard to walk into the room.) My husband came with me, I wasn't sure how I was going to feel, would I be weepy? Would I be strong?

My RE said that most likely the miscarriage was just bad luck. My lining was great, my hormone level was perfect, and the embryo was good. He said sometimes this just happens. He said that he felt really good about doing another round of IVF, if we wanted it. He said that since we were able to get pregnant with an FET, he had high hopes that we could get pregnant again. He also assured me that if he didn't think that another round of IVF would work, he would be honest with me. This gave me hope.

But he has ordered a round of blood tests for me so that we know where we are. The m/c was so hard on me. It broke who I am. I have decided (along with my husband) that we do want to try again, but I want to wait until summer to schedule my next cycle. I plan on completing the blood tests, losing the few pounds I gained with IF drugs, and finding the peace within my heart before I move forward.

Physically I think I am ready to move forward. But emotionally I am not ready. I am still too hurt. And I can't imagine going through another IVF, losing another baby, and feeling this hurt again so soon. Does that sound crazy? My RE and the IVF coordinator both said I could take my time, and when I was ready we would move forward.

I am still sad. I am still hurt. I am still heartbroken.
But...I am eager to start again, I feel positive that my baby is in my future. I have hope!