Challenging 2018

I feel as though I should be writing more often.  Life is so challenging these days, and when I write, I do feel as though someone is listening.  (At least I am listening).  I have had some pretty trying times, work, kids, home.  And I have put myself aside to take care of all of these things.  I realize i have created my own world, but sometimes I still think it sucks...But from the beginning...

First of all, C is in the 1st grade now.  He is amazing, and smart.  Last year was hard because I had to fight to get him tested and eventually diagnosed with ADHD.  He couldn't sit still, he was very aggressive and impulsive.  I kept asking the school for an assessment for and IEP.  But they kept telling me that "academically he doesn't qualify".  I kept pushing, they kept denying.  Thank God for a great kindergarten teacher.  She was amazing, patient, and had a special way with him.  Then 1st grade began.  He was in a 1st / 2nd combo class.  Initially I thought that would be great for him because he would be able to learn a little beyond his current grade, but it was always so chaotic, constant transitioning between 1st and 2nd graders.  They didn't learn together, they were segregated.  UGH!  To top it off, there were two teachers who shared the class.  So not only were kids transitioning, but teachers were not constant.  I was getting phone calls everyday!  Some days I wouldn't even leave the school, i would just sit in my car up the street because I knew they would call me. Come pick him up, he won't stay in class, he hit a classmate, he took off his shoes.  I was close to losing my job.  I kept asking for an IEP assessment, but again "he doesn't qualify".  I was doing everything in my power to help him.  We tried meds, but one made him more aggressive, one made him sleep constantly.  I spoke to the school nurse one day, she accused me of over medicating.  WTF?  We were seeing a Psychologist, a Behavioral Therapist, a Chiropractor, the pediatrician.  I was working on getting him evaluated further.  What else could I do? 

Then it happened...I got a phone call at 830 in the morning.  And I lost it.  I got to school, what seems to be the problem?  "Cameron won't go to class."  So you called me to pick him up?  There on the playground, just me, the school secretary, they guidance counselor and C...I lost my shit!!!  I was mad that they would call me and not even try to get him in class.  Why?  Well "I feel the school is getting his attendance numbers, and making money from the district for his attendance, then as soon as he is recorded as present, lets just call his mom!"  I was so mad.  My tantrum lasted about 5 minutes or so. 

But guess what?  They decided that we should have him assessed even though they don't feel he qualifies.  The school is yanking my chain.  I know this now.  They also don't think that by testing him when I originally asked for it was a big deal.  Because it is up to their discretion. 

Now, I have had him evaluated by a Psycho Analyst...final diagnosis...Aspergers/Autism, ADHD and Impulsivity Control Disorder.  DOES HE QUALIFY NOW???  UGH!!

Moving on.

T is Awesome.  Senior this year.  Praying that he finds his way and graduates.  He just doesn't have the drive to get his stuff done.  I worry about him.  I think his ADD has had a negative impact on his learning.  But nonetheless, he pushes through it.  At least he had decided what he wants to do with his life.  He wants to bake.  Yay!!  He has been practicing.  He has some talent.  I really hope he continues on.  I am so proud of him.  He is an amazing young man, smart, and quick witted.  And he has the biggest heart, if only he'd share some of that with me and C.  But its ok, he's 17. 

Rob, is still gone.  He has been in Texas since January.  I am tired.  I am tired of doing everything alone while he is on vacation.  He's not deployed, hes vacationing.  Every time I call him, he's getting a mani/pedi, getting work done on his tattoo, going to dinner / movie / bar, or golfing.  It makes me angry.  Especially when I need to talk, and he tells me he has to call back because he's busy with one of those things.  In the meantime what am I doing?  Eating Bon Bons, putting my feet up and enjoying some peace and quiet?  Of course, NOT.  I am busy raising two boys, two dogs, two guinea pigs, working full time, trying unsuccessfully to keep my house clean, and laundry done.   I need to go on a vacation when he gets back.  ALONE 

We are hoping that he gets picked up for orders in Texas again.  We want to move to El Paso.  I have found my dream home.  This will definitely be hard, but it will give me a chance to work with C more, maybe I could work part time for a while.  It will give T a chance to start a life in the real world.  And maybe, just maybe we won't always be poor.  The cost of living is os much less. 

I guess for now I will put my faith in God and know that he is walking with me and guiding me where he wants me to be. 

I will start writing more.  I will.  This I think might be the key to helping me manage through some of the challenges I have been put up against.  It could help me rebuild myself, perhaps find myself again. 

Until next time.