Life as we know it...

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

broken and defeated

Never before have I felt so broken.  
I literally feel like my heart had been ripped apart.   Tonight on a hunch (call it intuition), I looked in my DH's messages and found a rather racy message. In reading the complete thread I learned that they have been having cyber-sex (is that a thing?) through messages and Skype.   While I sleep in another room.  
Is this really happening to me?

I told him when he got home from work that I did something and needed to tell him.   So I told him that I looked through it and showed him what I found.   He just stared at it for so long,  not even saying a word.   Finally he just says "I'm sorry".

I'm angry and hurt and he's sorry?   We will be married 10 yrs in October and I have been thinking of us renewing our vows, I picked out a dress,  found a place and looked at rooms.   And now I don't know if I even want to be married!   At all!

Have I said that in angry?   He says nothing, which only makes it worse.   Oh except that he doesnt see us apart in the future.   I told him he needs help and that will be a beginning,  but I don't trust him or even like him right now.   And I don't know what's I am.  

I have never been so hurt.  I prayed tonight that God help me survive and make the right choices.   Is not that I don't love my DH,  but don't I need to respect myself?


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